we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
