That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
