dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
