don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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