is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
