JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
