considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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