Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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