My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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