my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
