you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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