I think I am morally bankrupt
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
