He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i need some magic done to my vagina
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
