My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
