yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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