i need an iv and a liver transplant
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
