I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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