my vag is so smooth its legendary
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
