You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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