i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
