he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
