lets start a swedish sibling band together
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
