does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
