I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
