shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
