I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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