I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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