i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
