Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
