You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Houston, we have a blender
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
