I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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