we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
