mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
