She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
