put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
