Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
