tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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