He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
