I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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