well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
