Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
