Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
