Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
