Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
