Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
