if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
