I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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