If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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