i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So vagazzling was a success
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
