Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
