I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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