Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
