Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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