If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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