I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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